6:30pm: Arrive in Greenpoint for a Star Wars Viewing Party / Unofficial Office Christmas party. Star Wars fever has officially swept the office. Since it’s a film production company and 90% of the workers went to film school there is some serious Star Wars nerding happening. Earlier in the month, the office held a viewing of the first two Star Wars films in preparation for the opening of The Force Awakens. Tonight, we are watching the third and final film in the original trilogy - Return of the Jedi. We have Star Wars themed mugs, Star Wars themed candy, Star Wars chopsticks, Star Wars paper airplanes. People are listing facts about the production of the films, the editing of the films and the music in the films, etc. I am probably the least knowledgable about Star Wars trivia and I am wearing a Darth Vader onesie, Princess Leia buns & limited edition silver Star Wars X Cover Girl lipstick.* I left my storm trooper helmet purchased in Disney World in 1995 at home because it would restrict my premium viewing of the movie. MUST SEE EVERY GOLD BIKINI, EWOK FILLED, HAND LIGHTNING PRECIOUS MOMENT.

6:50pm: One employee, Erica has never seen this film and up until the viewing a couple weeks ago hadn’t seen the first two movies. She essentially had no knowledge of the films – to the point where she was actually in shock when she learned that - SPOILER ALERT (for no one but Erica) - Darth Vader is Luke’s father. LIKE HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW THIS? It’s literally in pop culture everywhere. Like even if you haven’t’ seen the movie, hadn’t you heard the line “I am your father” like 100 times?

So when I ask her this she claims that she had heard that phrase but didn’t understand the context and thought it was like a joke – because it would be ridiculous if the villain were the hero’s father. Which further leads me to believe that Erica has not read any books (especially Oedipus) or seen any movies ever. She is also like the nicest person ever – so I now have a theory that she is an alien. It’s the only thing that explains complete lack of basic cultural knowledge and genuine kindness from someone who has lived in NYC for over a year.

7:00pm: The SAGA continues. We push play on Return of the Jedi. I owned this movie as a child and watched it many many times but I haven’t seen it in probably the last five years at least. Not sure why, probably for the simple reason of haven’t lived at home for the last five years and the VHS is at home. Yes, I am that lazy. Fun fact about my childhood though, my parents, owned all three Star Wars movies but believing that the 2nd movie was far too traumatic and violent. Therefore they did not let me watch the 2nd Star Wars movie until I was 12. So my sister & I watched Episode I and Episode III and just had to fill in the blanks. “Wait, why is Han Solo in a big rock?” “Luke has a robot hand now?” “DARTH VADER IS LUKE’S FATHER?” “Who the fuck is this little green man who can’t talk….”

I think maybe my parents gave us a brief synopsis but I am pretty sure they just let us believe there is a giant time jump between the two films and then showed us the Ewok Movie. They were not fulfilling George Luca’s artistic vision.

9:10pm: The DVD starts to skip. Everyone freaks out.

We DO have a blue-ray disc BUT the blue-ray disc has the new ending where they have superimposed Hayden Christianson as Anakin Skywalker in the final scene instead of having the dead old white man Darth Vader. So we try to fix the DVD but alas it is too broken so we have to watch the edited film and everyone groans when they see Anakin in the final scene and when there is the digital versions of every city EVER featured in all 6 movies cheering and celebrating at the end. I am wondering like who told everyone?

This is the scene that sparked the outcry. Poor Hayden Christensen, Natali Portman survived the hate of Episodes I-III movies but you sir sadly you did not.

9:30pm: The movie concludes. Erica’s mind is blown. She is quite excited now for the Force Awakens. Most people agree that she doesn’t need to see Episodes I-III.

I disagree – not because I think that Episode I-III are super good or probably necessary to understand the new movie – BUT I think she needs to see them because all the film nerds seem to think these movies are absolutely terrible. Therefore she should see them so she can fully appreciate the new movie, which film nerds seem to think will be the second coming... of good Star Wars films. It’s the salt that’s necessary to highlight the sweetness of the cookie. THE SWEET SWEET SPACE COOKIE.***

*Yes, there were limited edition Star Wars lipsticks, six in total, 3 “light-side” and 3 “dark-side” and yes I might have ordered all of them online. Mostly because they are actually pretty bossy lipsticks. They are all metallic and who doesn’t want semi-precious lips? I know I do! I’ll take any opportunity to look like a sexy space alien.

Even Lord Vader knows the importance of lipstick

**The Ewok movie is a thing (although apparently it’s officially called The Ewok Adventure or Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure) and if you haven’t’ seen it… don’t see it because it is terribly sad and why my parents let me watch that emotionally scarring movie and not Episode V I will never know. Also it is just like sort of a terrible movie, it was actually a made for TV movie.

Anyone else have this VHS?

Also all remember that Ewok's eat human flesh and wanted to roast Han & Luke alive in the Return of the Jedi

***Unless of course the Force Awakens actually sucks. BUT IT WON’T SUCK BECAUSE IT CAN’T. It won’t, it won’t, it won’t, please….